That's MR Mauresmo to you, pal.
If only our front row looked that scary......
Here are a few items you may have missed in the news of late. In amongst the agony and destruction (and I’m just talking about the ALP here) are those genuine, heartwarming stories that remind us that, yes, as a species we really are completely screwed. After all, if we keep turning out idiots like these, what are our long term chances for survival?
I was considering writing about a few things that have been really shitting me off at work of late, but after reading this and this about people who were fired for their blogs, or more specifically the content of their blogs, I think perhaps it's better left unsaid. Apart from in the privacy of my own home while belting the punching bag.
Now I know that Sinney is a big city, and there are a lot of people to move about. And I’m aware that a LOT of those people will want to travel at around the same time, in roughly the same direction – what we like to call peak hour. But here are some tips for making the experience a little more pleasant for everyone.
Don’t even think about it. It’s not worth the grief
Many other people may want to get on the same bus as you travel on. So move down the back of the goddamn bus.
And no, your bag does not need a seat because it is tired.
Yes, we’re all enlightened and PC and equal and all that these days, but if a woman who is 13 months pregnant gets on, you can stand up. Yes you. Unless you want a smack upside the head.
It may take some time to reach your destination, and there might not be enough seats. This means you will have to stand up, and hang on to one of the swinging rail thingies. For heavens sake people, use deodorant. If in doubt, use two applications. Or two brands. Whatever you need to do to make the stink stop.
Ferries offer one of the most pleasant ways to travel to work. What could be better than gliding across the harbour in the morning? But there are some tips to remember:
Ferry wharfs are, generally, quite small. Ferrys themselves are quite large. So even though the wharf is full, and you are in a queue, there WILL be plenty of room on the boat. So there is no need to push through the crowd as the ferry docks – we’re all trying to achieve the same outcome and you’re not helping.
This is an especially important thing top remember if there are different ferrys that stop at your wharf. Learn which one is yours. There is nothing worse than pushing through the crowd and parking your barge arse in front of the narrow gangplank, only to discover that the boat is going somewhere you don’t want to. Don’t do this. Every. Single. Bloody. Morning. Or expect a little early morning dip care of your fellow commuters, bitch.
It took three days to get there, coast to coast. This may not sound unusual, but I’m talking about Sri Lanka, and the distance as the crow flies is only around 200km. It was 1988, my first trip to the island, and I was determined to get to Arugam Bay, on the east coast to go surfing. Sure, the civil war between the government and the Tamils was still in full swing, and the east coast was supposedly a no-go zone for the handful of tourists still traveling to Sri Lanka. My enthusiasm was buoyed when I checked into the hostel in Colombo and spied another surfboard in the locker room as I put mine in there – someone else either had the same idea, or perhaps had undertaken the journey and could give me a few tips. I left a note on the other board with my name and room number, and later that night I met up with a long-haired, bearded bloke from Melbourne named Matt. He had actually arrived in the country only a few hours before me, and had the same journey in mind, so after lengthy discussions over a few 3-coins, a cheap curry at the Lankan RSL, and a few more beers, we had a plan.
I’ve been trying to write for a few days now, but every time I start I end up giving up and chucking it in the virtual garbage bin. It seems almost impossible, almost useless in the face of such disaster. Writing any more about what has happened seems not to add anything to the discussion, while writing about anything else seems trite.