Balmain Boys Do Cry

The Sydney Porning Herald

2005-04-28T16:26:00.000+10:00

I love the Sydney Morning Herald. It's the paper I grew up with, a comforting voice of authority, moderation and decency. It's where I hungrily devoured news from home when overseas, first in libraries and embassies, then online. I've always felt it strived towards a sense of balanced reporting (and I don't mean in a Fox News way), and I've looked down on people whos lips move when they read the big pictures and small articles in the Terror. So what does the SMH do to rapay these years of trust - why all today it runs a story in the feature spot on the website about a young woman, Susie Zhang, who brought a court case against her employer for sex discrimination and assault, and lost both cases. It would probably have been a routine story, if not for two facts:

1) that the judge, in dismissing the case, mentioned in passing that the applicant had posed for FMH magazine, so that her complaining about having to wear a short skirt at work (which, if you read the full judgement, was a mutual decision between employer and employee) was a bit rich, and

2) the SMH managed to get hold of the photos from FHM magazine, and has been running them all day on the front page of their website.

(source smh.com.au)

I'm sure they're justifying it to themselves (and anyone else who asks) by explaining that they are just highlighting the judges' terrible attitude, but lets face it - they are happily exlpoiting Susie Zhang, probably to a far greater degree than her previos employer ever did. Asking her to wear a short skirt to entertain pokie punters? Bad. Slapping her on the front page in a Bikini, to be seen by around 350,000 people? Way bad. They even thoughtfully have another picture on the story page, just to keep the theme going, and a special pop-up pictorial. Class.

Regardless of whether the judge, Rolf Driver, was correct in the law (probably) or morally (probably not), the SMH exploitation just reeks.

As a bizarre side note, one of the defence counsel for the employer / accused groper was the old battleaxe we bought our house from. A very nasty old piece of work if ever there was one.

I know the war on terrorism is serious

2005-03-18T15:46:00.000+11:00

But this guy is an idiot.

Russian police have reportedly detained an Australian resident after he threatened to blow up an Aeroflot flight on its way from Tokyo to Moscow

Trying to blow up an Aeroflot plane?? I've had the misfortune to fly with Aeroflot, world's second worst commercial airline*, and the fact that the plane didn't blow up / fall out of the sky all by itself was a bloody miracle. All this guy had to do is wait around long enough.

*Worlds' worst? PIA - Pakistan International. *shudder* Only time I've been chronically airsick, from the dodgy food, the thick smoke in the cabin (back in the days when you could still smoke on aircraft) from cigars and, I kid you not, cheroots; all mixed up violently by the 0 point landing attempt by the work experience pilot. Didn't even have time to get the sick bag - just had to pull open the seat pocket and go for gold. I still feel sorry for the cleaners to this day.

Got a worse aircraft story? Lets hear it!

Balmain Boys are back in town

2005-03-18T15:44:00.000+11:00

and horribly under the gun at work. Slowly working on some new posts on weddings, the Phillipines and office politics / corporate stupidity. Possibly in one long rambling post that won't make any sense....

Back in a month or so

2005-02-08T17:28:00.000+11:00

You may have noticed the patchy updates on this blog of late - there is something that has been taking up a fair bit of my time over the last couple of monts, and it all came to fruition last saturday. BalmainBoys is proud to announce that Mrs Stilt-to-be is now Mrs Stilt. It was a perfect day, with cloudless blue skies, all our friends and families, a stunning location, great food and drink, a killer band, and best of all my beautiful wife.

And yes, Balmain Boys did cry!

We're off on our honeymoon, so see you in a month. Take care.

Stilt & Mrs Stilt

That's MR Mauresmo to you, pal.

2005-01-21T17:17:00.000+11:00

If only our front row looked that scary......

News Roundup

2005-01-21T17:07:00.000+11:00

Here are a few items you may have missed in the news of late. In amongst the agony and destruction (and I’m just talking about the ALP here) are those genuine, heartwarming stories that remind us that, yes, as a species we really are completely screwed. After all, if we keep turning out idiots like these, what are our long term chances for survival?

ARIA is worried about music dumping from Asia?? That’s nothing (SMH)

A driver for the Dave Matthews Band has been charged after dumping human waste from a tour bus over the side of a bridge onto passengers aboard a boat.
Stefan Wohl, 42, who turned himself in to Chicago authorities and was released pending a March hearing for reckless conduct, drives a bus assigned to the band's violinist, Boyd Tinsley. Prosecutors said Wohl was alone on the bus at the time of the incident over the Chicago River in Michigan last August 8.
Up to 380 litres of waste were dumped over the bridge and fell on scores of people aboard a boat passing underneath. Several of the passengers, who were on an architectural tour, retched and tore off their clothes. No-one was seriously injured, authorities said.

I mean, I always thought their music was pretty shit, but what do you charge them with when there are so many offences? Would it be worse to get a busload of Dave Matthews Band CDs dropped on you? And where are they dumping those? Let’s face it – they’re not flying off the shelves themselves…..

Why Cops need to be screened a LOT more carefully (The Age)

A feisty magpie picked the wrong person to swoop when it menaced the son of a Victorian policeman in his backyard on New Year's Day.
The suburban constable says he got his high-powered .22 rifle and killed the bird.
Now the policeman, from Diamond Creek, is under investigation for discharging a firearm in a built-up area and may face wildlife offences.
Animal activists are outraged over the death of the bird. Magpies are protected.

What a complete knob – we’ve all had a maggie swoop down on us from time to time. Remember that great old theory of putting a ice-cream container on your head with eyes drawn on it to scare them off? I’m not sure whether it worked because they thought something much bigger than them was staring them down, or if they were just too busy pissing their feathers laughing to bother attacking anymore. I’m hoping someone remembers this sort of thing, otherwise it’s yet another cruel thing I have to blame my parents for.

So let’s have a good hard think about whether this is the sort of cunt-stable we really should have on the force. Perhaps Victorian police need a little more time at Police Academy dedicated to ways to resolve problems without shooting. Come on fellas (and ladies) – you know you can do it.

Pump up the Justice (The Smoking Gun)

So when the cops do catch the bad guys, they send them to court. And what is the judge doing in there, you ask? Well, he’s amusing himself with a penis pump under the desk!

While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist. According to the below complaint filed by the Oklahoma Attorney General, Donald D. Thompson, 57, was caught in the act by a clerk, trial witnesses, and his longtime court reporter (these unsettling first-hand accounts will make you wonder what's going on under other black robes). Visitors to Thompson's Creek County courtroom reported hearing a "swooshing" sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up." Thompson, the complaint charges, even pumped himself up during an August 2003 murder trial.

Whatever you want to get up to in the privacy of your own bedroom, or even your own chambers if the door is locked, is normally OK with me, as long as no one else is hurt or degraded, unless they specifically ask to be (and even then I’m not so sure it’s a great idea). But I would hope that if I ever came appeared might be a better term before a judge, he was concentrating on the facts of the case, rather than having a pull under the desk. Plus if you’re stupid enough to believe that a penis pump is going to enlarge your dick*, then you’re probably not smart enough to be a judge.

Go and have a read of the whole thing when you have a sec - it's pretty damn funny.

* I’m secretly hoping that during the investigation they discover that the pump wasn’t actually a “gag gift from a friend” as the judge claims, but was in fact purchased by the judge in response to a spam email about penis enlargement. That would make the whole saga even funnier.

More actual content soon.

Promise.

Worth thinking about for Bloggers

2005-01-21T17:01:00.000+11:00

I was considering writing about a few things that have been really shitting me off at work of late, but after reading this and this about people who were fired for their blogs, or more specifically the content of their blogs, I think perhaps it's better left unsaid. Apart from in the privacy of my own home while belting the punching bag.

You might want to have a look at the Bloggers Rights Blog - some interesing thoughts.

Tips for Sydney commuters

2005-01-17T17:36:00.000+11:00

Now I know that Sinney is a big city, and there are a lot of people to move about. And I’m aware that a LOT of those people will want to travel at around the same time, in roughly the same direction – what we like to call peak hour. But here are some tips for making the experience a little more pleasant for everyone.

Train travel.

Don’t even think about it. It’s not worth the grief

Bus travel

Many other people may want to get on the same bus as you travel on. So move down the back of the goddamn bus.

And no, your bag does not need a seat because it is tired.

Yes, we’re all enlightened and PC and equal and all that these days, but if a woman who is 13 months pregnant gets on, you can stand up. Yes you. Unless you want a smack upside the head.

It may take some time to reach your destination, and there might not be enough seats. This means you will have to stand up, and hang on to one of the swinging rail thingies. For heavens sake people, use deodorant. If in doubt, use two applications. Or two brands. Whatever you need to do to make the stink stop.

Ferry travel

Ferries offer one of the most pleasant ways to travel to work. What could be better than gliding across the harbour in the morning? But there are some tips to remember:

Ferry wharfs are, generally, quite small. Ferrys themselves are quite large. So even though the wharf is full, and you are in a queue, there WILL be plenty of room on the boat. So there is no need to push through the crowd as the ferry docks – we’re all trying to achieve the same outcome and you’re not helping.

This is an especially important thing top remember if there are different ferrys that stop at your wharf. Learn which one is yours. There is nothing worse than pushing through the crowd and parking your barge arse in front of the narrow gangplank, only to discover that the boat is going somewhere you don’t want to. Don’t do this. Every. Single. Bloody. Morning. Or expect a little early morning dip care of your fellow commuters, bitch.

My little piece of paradise, lost.

2005-01-07T17:26:00.000+11:00

It took three days to get there, coast to coast. This may not sound unusual, but I’m talking about Sri Lanka, and the distance as the crow flies is only around 200km. It was 1988, my first trip to the island, and I was determined to get to Arugam Bay, on the east coast to go surfing. Sure, the civil war between the government and the Tamils was still in full swing, and the east coast was supposedly a no-go zone for the handful of tourists still traveling to Sri Lanka. My enthusiasm was buoyed when I checked into the hostel in Colombo and spied another surfboard in the locker room as I put mine in there – someone else either had the same idea, or perhaps had undertaken the journey and could give me a few tips. I left a note on the other board with my name and room number, and later that night I met up with a long-haired, bearded bloke from Melbourne named Matt. He had actually arrived in the country only a few hours before me, and had the same journey in mind, so after lengthy discussions over a few 3-coins, a cheap curry at the Lankan RSL, and a few more beers, we had a plan.

The next morning we took a cab to the central train station, and carefully and slowly threaded our way through to the ticket window and then the platform. If you’ve ever experienced sub-continental train stations, you’ll have an idea of the mass of humanity involved in these sorts of maneuvers, we were additionally hampered by having backpacks on, and a surfboard under the arm, much to the amusement of the locals. The train we were catching was going to Badulla, away from the coast into the high country in the centre of the island – we must have looked like right idiots. The train rattled through the countryside, and slowed to an amble as we climbed into the hill country. It may have been my imagination, but it never seemed to totally stop at stations, just slow down even more, to less than a walking pace, while those exiting threw first their luggage, then themselves off, with those boarding reversing the process. We reached Badulla in the mid afternoon, long after the last (well, only) bus heading towards the coast had left for the day. Nothing to do but find a hotel, kick back, drink some beers and swap travel stories.

The next morning we waited at the bus station for sign of a bus going to Pottuvil. Eventually we asked around, and finally someone informed us that no bus would be going all the way to Pottuvil that day, but we could get as far as Lahugal, a small town about 20km shy of our destination. Being a little young and naive, we figured that this would do, and that we could simply hitch the rest of the way, so we help load our boards onto the roof of the bus and jumped on. About an hour later, when I thought I was close to passing out from the heat of being trapped in a non-moving bus in a tin shed in the middle of the day in 34C temperatures, we headed off. On arrival in Lahugal, we geared up and started walking, thumbs out, down the road. I think I mentioned earlier that there was a little bit of a civil war going on in these parts at the time. We hadn’t figured this into our equation very well – there really wasn’t much in the way of traffic! After walking for about 4 or 5 kms, we chanced upon an army outpost. They were mighty surprised to see to aussies walking along the road, but were wonderfully hospitable, offering us tea and water. We chatted to the lieutenant in charge of the base, named after one of Sri Lanka’s great exports – Kamal. He was the same age as me, but at 20 had experienced a rather radically different life. To help us out, he had his men set up a roadblock to stop all passing traffic to see if anyone could offer us a lift to Pottuvil – as I said, incredibly hospitable – but to no avail. The sun was starting to set, and with a nighttime curfew in place, we weren’t going anywhere. The army guys kindly put us up for the night, pulling out a couple of spare camp cots. Before we turned in Kamal came by to remind us where the rifles were stored, because well, “sometimes the Tigers, they attack in the night”. I don’t think either Matt or myself got much sleep.

The following day we were finally able to get onto a bus heading to Pottuvil, from Badulla of course. There was no transport for the last 3kms from Pottuvil to Arugam Bay, so we legged it. Arugam was something of a ghost town – a former bjackpacker mecca, now empty, save around 10 other people stupid enough to venture there. But the reason the place was formerly so popular was still there – a beach plucked straight out of a travel brochure, with a perfect 4-foot wave wrapping around the point, and a seemingly endless line-up following it. Oh, and no one out. If you’re used to surfing at Bondi and having to fight for every wave, this scenario is pretty much what you dream of, but never expect to find, a surfers nirvana.

I spent 3 weeks there, surfing every day with the locals, eating whatever fish the locals caught or peanut butter and banana toasties when they would come back empty handed, drinking dodgy cheap arrack with warm fanta, learning much about Lankan history and culture from talking at people at night, and generally having the time of my life. I’ve been back 3 times, and always had a great time. I’ve been fortunate enough to travel extensively, and people often ask me what my favourite place is. Picking a favourite is always a difficult thing – how do you compare somewhere like New York or Buenos Aires to Koh Pan Ghan or Aitutaki? But the place that I always end up nominating is Arugam. As the situation with the Tamil Tigers improved over the years, the tourists came back, hotels were rebuilt and new ones built, new restaurants sprung up on the beach, and even a surf shop run by an Aussie, Hawkey, who liked it so much he never left. Transport services and roads improved, with a car and driver able to do the trip from Colombo in 6 or 7 hours. After a decade or more of doing it tough, things seemed to be looking good.

Sadly this area was the hardest hit last Sunday. Of the more than 30,000 dead in Sri Lanka, more than 10,000 came from this area. The bridge is destroyed, preventing any supplies getting in by road. Lankan, Indian and French army helicopters have been ferrying food, water and basic medicines, and flying out some of the wounded not able to be treated in the field hospital. Flooding is also hitting the area badly. An unimaginable number are homeless. It’s sad beyond comprehension. I wish there was something more I could do than give money, but I guess that’s pretty much most of us can do. Just keep giving, people. You can give directly to people in the region here

Struggling

2005-01-07T17:23:00.000+11:00

I’ve been trying to write for a few days now, but every time I start I end up giving up and chucking it in the virtual garbage bin. It seems almost impossible, almost useless in the face of such disaster. Writing any more about what has happened seems not to add anything to the discussion, while writing about anything else seems trite.

One friend, who was sailing between Sri Lanka and the Maldives, is back home safe and sound. In hindsight, being on a boat in deep water in the middle of the ocean, while rough, was probably one of the safer places to be. Another friend, K, who was in Phuket at the time, I still haven't heard from. Fingers crossed.

Service interuption

2004-12-20T14:09:00.000+11:00

BBDC will be off the air for a little while over christmas /NYE, unless I get seriously bored, and can get an internet connection up the coast.

Happy festivus

We're number 1, we're number 1!

2004-12-16T17:01:00.000+11:00

Well, OK we only tied 3rd with NZ - how ordinary is that. Come on young australians, get your arse up from in front of the playstation and get back out into the playground and start bullying
With a concerted effort from a few of you who aren't pulling your weight (you know who I'm talking about) we can get snatch gold away from the Philippines, or at least just get that extra 5% we need to outstrip Taiwan. I mean, look at the competition for crying out loud. You can do better than that.

Think about the bullies that once made our country great, and use the benefit of their experience. Here's some tips to help you find things to pick on in other kids to lift our run rate.

If another boy isn't into sport, can't name at least 8 members of his states' Pura Cup team, or sing the them song for the 3 clubs that finished on top of the ladder in each code, he's a poofta.

If the kid comes from overseas, or their parents do, there is a fair chance they are a wog, wop, chink, slope, or towelhead. Remind them of this.

Listening to music is OK, especially the music that all of your mates listen too, but actually playing a musical instrument is not on. Why would you waste all that time practicing indoors when you could be doing cool stuff, like hanging out?

Fat kiddies are an easy and safe target, because they can't run away, or chase after you.

Poor kids parents obviously don't care about them, otherwise they would buy them cool stuff, right? Point this out loudly and often.

Good work team, now let's get out there and hassle anyone different.

too hungover to post anything sensible today

2004-12-15T17:19:00.000+11:00

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves. Topics of discussion might include:

Why are christmas parties in the sun such a bad idea?

Why is Carlton Cold such a shit beer?

Why are enough americans so appallingly dumb that a quality program like Fox's "Who's Your Daddy" gets greenlighted?

In Who's Your Daddy?, which will air in the States as a Fox 90-minute special on January 3, the woman eventually will find out which man is her biological father. But first she must interview and observe the eight men and guess which one is her birth father. If she's correct, she wins $132,000, but if she picks one of the counterfeit dads, that man gets the money.

Pure class from the people who brought you The Littlest Groom

Whether posing for a plumbers crack line photo at a blue-collar christmas party really is such a great career move, or not?

Do not adjust your computer

2004-12-13T16:56:00.000+11:00

there IS a problem with reality

First of all, those whaaacky poms at Madame Tussaudes are trying to not only pass Dirk's favourite spice girl, Victoria Beckham, off as a virgin, they're trying to convince us that somehow, in a bizzare alternate universe, George W Shrub could loosely be considered a wise man

Meanwhile, in China, they await with bated botoxed breath the announcement of Miss Plastic Surgery 2004. I'm not sure whether the sash and tiara goes to the carbon-based barbi, or to the plastic surgeon working hard to advance mankind through medicine.

The one on the left is 62 - I hope that doesn't make you choke on something. It sure freaked me out.

Back here in Australia, the name of progressive arts takes a giant step backwards as the senior curator of photography at the National Gallery of Victoria, declares Max Dupain's iconic work "Sunbather" to be evidence of his support for eugenics and a White Australia policy.

A white australian

Written by the senior curator of photography at the National Gallery of Victoria, Isobel Crombie, Body Culture: Max Dupain, Photography and Australian Culture, 1919-1939 argues that much of Dupain's work during those interwar years was informed by the then prevailing pseudo-science of eugenics, the philosophy of vitalism and the "body culture" movement. Crombie convincingly argues that Dupain's quintessential Australia was definitely "a white Australia" exclusively, a "regenerated, revitalised Australia" that would arrive as a consequence of an improved, healthy body through breeding, fine-tuned by the Australian landscape.

I'm not sure if it occured to Ms Crombie that Australia in the 1930's wasn't quite as multi-cultural as it is today, hence the use of a caucasian in the photo. As to the charge that the photographer used fit, healthy young models, well, DER! You would think that a gallery curator may hve noticed that trend in the art world over the last, say 2000 years. But maybe I'm talking out my arse, since I failed year 7 art.

But todays final absurdity must surely be the suggestion that the US wants to install Alexander "fishnets" Downing as the head of the International Atomic Energy Agency. The guy couldn't run the Liberal Party, and probably couldn't find his arse if it was on fire. Do you really wanting him looking after the world's nuclear watchdog.

Hopefully we will be able to return you to regular programming tomorrow. If pain persists, see your doctor

Tool time

2004-12-08T16:50:00.000+11:00

I may have mentioned my slight christmas phobia before. Perhaps one of the few things worse for santaphobics than the office christmas party is the themed office christmas party. It's right up there with compulsory family fun days, and sharp implements to the retina in terms of hilarity. And yes, next week, we're having one. The "secret location" that everyone in the organisation has known about for over a month has been officially announced, and the theme revealed - "Blue Collar".

Now I don't want to seem overly PC here, but isn't that just a little bit on the nose for a very white-collar industry's company christmas party? Are we so disconnected from reality that we have to play fancy dress to remember what others in society do for a crust? Or has the PA who organised it just bought a new pair of blundstones she wants to show off?

Is this collar tooblue?

What lies beneath

2004-12-07T14:58:00.000+11:00

The real messages behind today's social issues - brought to you by advertisers.

There seems to be some confusion as to what australian society is all about. Fortunately, it's an easy concept to grasp - massive hypocrisy. Perhaps we're all just so jaded that we don't notice, or don't care. Here's just a small sample of current issues, taken from my morning bus ride, and how our friends in adland think of them

Issue: Women are not sex objects, merely for the satisfaction of men

Response by : Lovable underwear
Location: Massive billboard next to the Anzac bridge

Come Dave, Come John? Come on.
It's bad enough that some genius at the RTA decided that closing a lane on the bridge during peak hour traffic would be a good idea. Now I have an an extra 10 minutes to look at crap like this while Sydney drivers try and work out how to merge, which is apparently more difficult than working out Pi to 800 decimal points in your head. And in a deadly pincer action, just when the roads are fucked, they put up the ferry prices! Imagine if the Cityrail was that coordinated - the train problems would be over in no time.

Issue: Sydney doesn't have enough electricity, the plants are about to melt down, causing widespread blackouts. All while pumping up greenhouse gasses.

Response by: AGL
Location: Bus poster

This pic isn't quite as clear as the poster on the bus, but hopefully you can make out in the background, the pair of McMansions. They're a bit hard to spot behind the glowing fairy breasts (huh??) but they're there, replete with black-tiled roofs, no eaves, all the lights on, air-conditioning going, and you can't see it, but probably the dryer going as well. Way to conserve electricity.

Issue: The kiddies are all turning into lard buckets.

Response by: Disney, Pixar, Cadbury Schweppes & Pepsi
Location: Bus poster

New children's movie proudly brought to you by chocolate bars and soft drink, the basis of a healthy kiddie diet pyramid (which is topped by Casey Donovan's 2 packs of winnie blues a day. At sixteen). Disney and Pixar will claim that this is a "family" movie, but I call bullshit. The female lead looks alarmingly like a prominent non-child friendly personality - you be the judge:

There's no way anyone over the age of say, 10, is not going to be traumatised by that similarity. Imagine having to spend 2 hours in a cinema with an animated posh leaping out at you from the screen. Frightening

And you thought we'd moved on as a society...

2004-12-02T17:17:00.000+11:00

I'm sure that most people are by now aware of the court case concerning a former student of TARA, an expensive all-girls Anglican school in Parramatta. The student in question claimed that she was gang-raped in Italy during a school excursion* in 2001, and that the school treated her in a less than christianly manner. Initially accusing her of making the story up to avoid punishment for breaking curfew, they then made her pay for a dose of the morning-after pill, and the taxi to the airport, from where she was sent immediately home. She was accused of leading the attackers on, and forced to sign a statement to the school saying that the incident was consensual. This was also the story that her parents were told.

The girl decided, with the support of her parents, to take the school to the district court, in a civil action, for dereliction of its' duty of care, and claiming that she now suffered from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Obviously having been through the most harrowing incident, the decision to take the matter to court was not made lightly. So how did counsel for the school, who's vision is "Education grounded in Christ's Teaching", try to discredit the plaintiffs' case?

By suggesting that because she was photographed, by a private investigator hired by or at least authorised by the school, that she couldn't have any problems

Cross-examining the teenager, Ian Harrison, QC, showed her a series of photographs, including one that he said showed her apparently "relaxed" while "in a public place". Questioning her claim that the rape had left her with low self-esteem, he said that "to sit on a bar stool ... with a skirt as short as that takes a lot of confidence".
"You weren't embarrassed by the attention it might attract?"

She replied: "It's not about confidence. It's about wanting to look like everyone else when I go out. On the outside I try and look like nothing has changed ... no one knows what happened."

He then produced a video of the girl drinking alone in the Lansdowne Hotel. Which proved what, exactly? And then went on to try and attack her for having had the audacity to carry a condom with her on the trip to Italy.

Mr Harrison asked her to explain why she had a condom in her wallet during the trip to Italy. She said it had been in her wallet before the trip. He asked her if she took it to Italy because she thought she might have sex. "Yes, but it wasn't likely," she said.
"If I had of chosen to have consensual sex then I would have had it to protect myself." (from SMH.com.au)

This made me just unbelievably mad when I read this - surely as a society we are beyond the stage of trying to portray women as "asking for it". Women (and men) have the right to wear what they want, act how they want, and not to get hassled or assaulted for it. In a civilized society we allow people the freedom to wear what they choose. No still means no. Rape is still a crime.

So was Ian Harrison, QC (does QC stand for Quivering C?) acting on the direction of his client, or just freestyling? Were these his own personal opinions, or is he merely a good lawyer / actor / attack dog? This line of questioning is so far out of line in today's society, that I can only think of one possible explanation:

*puts Ian Harrison, QC, in the witness box*

Mr Harrison, I put it to you that you work in the legal profession?

Yes, I do undertake the practice of....

Mr Harrison, just a yes or no will suffice, thank you very much

Yes.

Mr Harrison, I put it to you that many members of your profession have a predilection to getting on the turps

Yes, but I

Just yes will be fine. Now I put it to you that at the time of your atrocious questioning of the previous witness, you were actually so drunk that you had no idea what you were saying. You were mouthing off mindlessly.

Come on Ian, fess up. The Law Society is happy to take Jeff back after he gets treatment. You might be able to be rehabilitated successfully as well. But remember, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

The good news is the school settled once it was named. Funny how they seem to care a lot more for their reputation than the welfare of their students.

* how come our school excursions were to places like Lane Cove instead of Italy?? The price of a public education I guess.

Tech problems now seem to be solved

2004-12-01T13:38:00.000+11:00

Not sure what was up with Blogger, but for some reason I couldn't get in to post yesterday or monday. Was anyone else having problems? So here's a bunch of new posts.

It's beginning to look a LOT like christmas

2004-12-01T13:34:00.000+11:00

I'm not a massive fan of christmas. Saying I had a pathological hatred of it would probably be more realistic. To me it's always been less about the birth of the little baby jesus, and more about family, fights (well, the two go together really) finding crap presents, and fucking crowds of people, all stressed out, hot and unhappy. How the hell are you supposed to achieve peace on earth and goodwill to all men when the fuckers are elbowing you in the head trying to get to the gift wrapping counter?

Anyhoo, Mrs stilt-to-be has decided that the best way for me to get over my santaphobia is full immersion shock therapy. I came home on Monday night to discover our house now sporting:

12 new red candles
11 credit card receipts
10 meters of fairy lights
9 dozen xmas tree ornaments, draped around tortured willow ( I now understand what is torturing it)
8 festive placemats
7 glass angles / trees / stars / thingies
6 xmas cushions on the lounge
5 table runners
4 reindeer antlers on the dogs
3 door ornaments, and 3 new CD's of carols
2 xmas doormats and 2 xmas tea-towels,
a stocking, a white Rudolph statue, and although I'm a little too scared to look, I'm sure that somewhere is a bloody partridge in a pair tree.

I'll let you know how the therapy is going - I'll soon be either out decking the halls, or back to decking carol singers.

A few last thoughts on young drivers

2004-12-01T09:18:00.000+11:00

Great feedback on the hoon issue - it's obviously something that has been on peoples minds for a while. The curfew limit seems unworkable, and the issue of limiting passenger numbers may cause problems either way. The issue of high-powered cars seems more straight forward though.

Weezeil pointed out quite rightly in the comments that just placing model restrictions on cars won't necessarily slow down younger drivers, as it's relatively simple with some cash and time to soup up even a humble Hyundai into a street machine. So perhaps one of the things that should e under consideration is a ban on modifications - any modifications - to cars driven by P-platers. I say any modifications because even those not directly related to performance, such as half a tonne of fibreglass body kit, do have an impact on the mentality of the driver.

Fantastic to see Nic White throwing his opinion in - as someone who is likely to be directly affected by any proposed changes, he has some valid points. I think the bottom line is no one wants to see unnecessary deaths in cars, but until we change our relationship with the car as an whole society, it's likely these tragedies will continue. Like they used to say on Hill Street Blues - be careful out there

Cannon Fodder

2004-12-01T09:16:00.000+11:00

as the actress said to the bishop...

what's more scary than meeting the parents? yep, meeting the minister. Sunday saw Mrs stilt-to-be and I drive down to the Southern Highlands to go to church, and then have lunch with the minister who is going to marry us early next year. Now, apart from weddings and christenings, it'd be fair to say that it's a while since I've been to church. Luckily, it was largely as I remembered it - lots of old people, a handful of earnest looking parents and bored children, and one slightly startled and badly hung-over stilt. The old blokes look resplendent in their suit jackets and sports coats - I felt a bit sorry for them since it was pushing 30C outside, and was no cooler inside despite the valiant attempts of a couple of small fans to evenly distributed the hot air around the building. The church itself is quite stunning - an old sandstone number with stained glass windows and exposed wooden beams, the perfect setting for a wedding. Well, it would be if we weren't getting married on the Central Coast, in a 70's red brick block-shaped number. But that's another story.

I managed to stay awake during the sermon, and only kipped lightly through the prayers, thanks to the time-honoured traditions of pew design - make the bastards as uncomfortable as possible to keep them alert. I tried to store a few pointers in my memory bank for later, but a lot of my internal RAM seemed to be taken up with processing Scotch 12.0 from the previous night. Mrs STB seemed to get some sort of message from it all, and was only slightly surprised when I didn't.

After the service, we had a little time to kill before lunch so wandered around town looking for somewhere with air conditioning to grab a coffee and try to spark up. There was something that had been weighing on my mind since I peered in the rectory window earlier and saw the formal dining setting laid out for us - what do I do if the Rev asks me point blank if I believe in God? I figured it's not really kosher to lie to priests, but then maybe the idea of them marrying an atheist wouldn't be the ideal lunch conversation topic. Mrs STB suggested I could get around the moral dilemma with some slightly fuzzy logic -

MSTB: Look, you sort of believe that everyone is their own god, and that you are your own god, right.
ME: Yep
MSTB: Then, you believe in yourself, so therefore, you believe in God, right? So you wouldn't really be lying.
ME: Well, I don't know if I would have put it quite like that, but lets run with it.
MSTB: By the way, how come you didn't object to getting married in a church, if you don't believe in god?
ME: It's cheaper and less hassle than getting council permission to set the marquee up on the beach
MSTB: oh (looks at me like I'm more of a freak than normal)

The Rev is actually the father of a couple of Mrs STBs best friends (and yes, they are from the same family!), so she has known him all her life. Fortunately, this association seemed to be a good enough recommendation, and I got through the interview with only the mandatory questions as dictated by our government (been married before? Changed your name? Is this really you?), another excellent reason for maintaining the separation of church and state. I discovered that Sundays are a great day for this sort of thing - the Rev has already conducted two services and delivered two sermons, not to mention listened to the whinges of the parishioners, before lunchtime, and only has a few hours before ramping up for the evening service, so the whole interview process was thankfully brief. All the necessary approvals have been obtained. The bishop of Newcastle diocese has approved a Canon from Goulburn diocese to marry us, and both were gracious enough to let my sis, a Uniting minister, do the sermon. Long story, much paperwork, but now finally sorted.

So it looks like we can now go ahead and get married after all.

4WDers. Yes, they're wankers, but...

2004-11-26T15:14:00.000+11:00

Darp has a crack today at some particularly stupid guys in a 4WD. I've actually been meaning to write a post on this topic for a couple of weeks, ever since the Good Weekend article a couple of weeks ago. There is certainly enough circumstantial evidence to suggest all 4WD owners are complete fuckwits, but are they just easy targets? Well, I guess wilderbeast are easy targets sometimes too, because they're so dumb, and they all follow one another. A strong parallel I think you'll agree. But anyway, here is my response to Darps post:

Now I know it’s fun to make sweeping generalizations, especially when they’re based in fact (yes, most urban 4wd driver ARE wankers) but lets consider a few points here:

The BWM, assuming it was the 6 cyl petrol model, uses less fuel and puts out way less pollutants (thanks to more modern emission control technology) than your falcon, and probably about the same, if not slightly better, than even a new falcon. It’s about 15% heavier.

When it comes to crash avoidance, rather than impact effect, the BMW is certainly going to have the edge over a lot of cars with things like electronic brake-force distribution, as well as the fact that it’s less likely to slide when changing direction quickly. In short, the BWM will stop, or swerve successfully, whereas the falcon (or Daewoo for that matter) will just keep going, especially cheaper models without ABS.

So perhaps the death on wheels comment isn’t exactly accurate. All cars can be death on wheels when driven by dickheads.

Yes, these guys certainly do sound like A-grade tossers, a mentality not uncommon amongst 4wd owners, but I think we need to consider there may be some differences between the likes of a CRV / RAV4 / X-trail and a Landcruiser. The former set are smaller overall, have smaller engines and weigh less than an aussie-6 wagon, which they probably replace. And they’re hardly expensive in terms of new cars, so the elitist tag is possibly not appropriate. I say possibly, because I’m sure that there is a percentage of those drivers who really wanted a Disco, but couldn’t afford it.

That said, using a 2.something tonne Pawanko as a taxi is just stupid. Big-arse, heavy duty 4wds ideally should be confined to the bush, and an upgraded license should be needed to drive them, regardless of where. A Prof of mine at Uni, on an exchange program from France, bought himself a Disco, went bush, and promptly rolled it. I don’t think he’d ever been behind the wheel a 4wd before, and certainly had no off-road experience. Great guy, but obviously overestimated his own driving ability, as we almost all do.

The question is, once you get rid of 4wds, who next? Personally I find people who drive WRXs, Skyline GTRs, falcon XR6s, Commodore SS’s, Porsches, and a list of other sports cars to be aggressive, shit drivers with no concern for other road users. Maybe they are just less visible so don’t attract the kind of manic hatred 4wds do. Perhaps it’s like motorcyclists, especially sports bike riders – yes, quite a few do ride like they have no interest in living, but that doesn’t mean that all of us do.

I hope the message that everyone gets is that we can all be arsehole drivers if we want to be – as a rider of motorbikes and pushies you certainly see a hell of a lot of idiots. They don’t need a 4WD to take you out, just to be talking on the phone (even with an earpiece / hands-free kit), changing CDs, doing their make-up, shaving, belting the kids, speeding because you are running late, or just generally being distracted. Most drivers drive with minimal care and respect to anyone other than themselves – a little concentration and courtesy makes everyone safer.

While I’m ranting on about cars, why are german cars allowed to be imported to Australia without even basic safety equipment such as indicators and mirrors? Or is there another explanation for why these things are never used?

Driven to distraction

2004-11-26T13:33:00.000+11:00

For once, the Daily Terror actually carries a front-page story I’m inclined to agree with. Should there be some restrictions on P plate drivers and the cars they can drive? Damn straight. I don’t just say that because I’m an old fart either – I’m young enough to remember what a dickhead of a driver I was when I was 17.There were certainly a couple of mishaps I was able to scrape out of more by good luck than my driving skills, like the time I misjudged the speed going into a corner, lost traction at the back of the car and slid across two lanes of traffic on the opposite side on a fairly busy road, before landing in a servo. Amazingly, I missed every other car on the road, and was merely badly shaken up, but it could have been a lot worse.

Some of the suggestions being bandied around for restrictions don’t make a lot of sense, like the ban on driving between 10pm and 6am. This impinges too far on young peoples’ ability to work, socialize, or attend uni part time, and while public transport still sucks majorly in most areas, this just isn’t an option. The aim is to save lives, not punish younger drivers. The restriction on the number of passengers is interesting, and I’m not sure about this one. Certainly having your mates in the car as a teenage male tends to make you drive in a more risky manor, but the trade-off to this would be potentially more people having to drive, and perhaps less likelihood of a single designated driver being responsible for transport home, leading to more drink-driving.

The final point being suggested is a ban on high-powered vehicles, presumably based on specific models, and /or some sort of power-to-weight ratio. This restriction is placed on P-platers for motorcycles, so why not cars? Yes, as a bike rider it kinda sucked at the time having to tool around on a 250, after paying way too much for it due to the high demand. Seeing the larger, more powerful bikes I could have bought for less money was infuriating, but I guess in the end the law was there to protect me from myself. Once I got my big bike,

I quickly found out why I had to spend time on the 250 getting the skills needed to keep myself alive. So I have no problem whatsoever with this idea being carried across to cars. Lets face it, after only a year or two of driving, almost no-one has the skills to handle something like a V8, a boosted WRX, or tragically a Nissan Skyline.

Some arguments that such a proposal is unfair on younger drivers whose families only have high-powered cars. Well, most of those cars are not cheap, and if a decision has to be made to keep your kids safe, not to mention the lives of other road users, then you should make it. It probably wouldn’t hurt too many macho dads (or my mum in her old falcon 500 last of the v8 interceptor days) out there to slow down a bit, too. Others argue that modern cars have newer features and technologies that make them safer. Granted, but it is still possible to get a safe car without the high performance. Take a Mercedes A160 for example. Massive safety, couldn’t pull the skin off cold custard. I’m not saying everyone has to go to that level, but you get the idea.

Finally, a good use of her talents

2004-11-25T17:24:00.000+11:00

Britney dyes her hair dark, protests Ukraine election results

Brett Lee's son to run in Melbourne Cup

2004-11-24T17:29:00.000+11:00

Who knew that there was a melbourne cup for greyhounds as well? I hope the jockeys are really small down there.

While Tony Lockett was building a reputation as Australian football's greatest goalkicker, his other passion was always greyhound racing.

And tomorrow night, his outstanding sprinter Hallucinate - successful in 23 of 38 starts - will contest the richest greyhound race in Australia - the Melbourne Cup.

Lockett bought and sold Hallucinate's sire, Brett Lee.

Plugger does love his dogs - I used to see him often in Centennial park of a morning when he was still playing and training, and I'd be out running my dog. Every other morning he'd puff as he went past - "I wish I had a dollar for every time that dog's been around this park".

Something tells me he probably has at least that.

Tip Top work, Mad Mandy

2004-11-24T17:22:00.000+11:00

I mentioned in an earlier article about how a french mate was unable to get his permenant residency here in Australia, despite having built a business, settled into the community, employing people etc, and how he is now moving to Canada.

Well, he's sold his business faster than expected, which is great for him. The people that bought the business seem nice, and I hope they make a go of it, but the bread won't be the same. The lid is now being shut fast on the bucket containing the sourdough starter culture that has been in his family for generations. Lucky bloody Canadians - not only do they get the good ski resorts, but now the good bread too.

Amanda Vantwentystone, I'm holding YOU personally responsible

Porn site sues Google

2004-11-24T17:11:00.000+11:00

For what? Not enough porn on the internet? No, it's actually for allowing people to look at, well, porn.

LOS ANGELES (AP)A Web site that sells photos of naked women is suing Google Inc., alleging that the online search engine leader is destroying its business by distributing links and passwords that provide free glimpses of the nude models. Beverly Hills-based Perfect 10 Inc. is seeking unspecified damages from Mountain View-based Google for alleged copyright infringement.

Google displays the images from rogue Web sites operated in foreign countries, according to Perfect 10's lawsuit. The search engine also provides links to password hacking sites that provide ways to gain illegal access to Perfect 10's Web site, the suit alleges.

Apart from being stupid, it does beg the question, can Google, or any other search engine, actually be held responsible for what other people put on their web sites? Could it be taken further, where search engines are held responsible for the views, opinions or language on the sites they scrape? Let's hope this case gets thrown out, and damages awarded against "Perfect 10". Couldn't happen to a nicer company.

and in "right to arm bears" news...

2004-11-22T17:44:00.000+11:00

A dispute among deer hunters over a tree stand in northwestern Wisconsin erupted Sunday in a shooting that left five people dead and three injured, officials said.

The alleged gunman, a man from the Twin Cities area, was arrested Sunday afternoon at the line between Rusk and Sawyer counties, according to Sawyer County sheriff's officials.

The violence began shortly after a hunting party saw a hunter occupying their tree stand, Sawyer County Chief Deputy Tim Zeigle told KSTP-TV of St. Paul, Minn. A confrontation and shooting followed.

One of the shooting victims radioed back to the deer shack for help, he said. When more hunters came to the scene, they also were shot, Zeigle said.

Yet another great reason why guns and (stupid) people don't mix. It cecrtainly dents the arguement that guns are only for hunting. They're for hunting and shooting at people who go near your tree. I'm not going to condemn all gun use, but I have to say I think hunting for sport is a pretty ordinary passtime. Sure, if roos are eating your crops out, you may have to cull a few, but the deer in Wisconsin aren't pests to that degree. - the main danger they pose is to cars hitting them.

Colour and movement

2004-11-22T16:32:00.000+11:00

There's just no way that any world leader looks good, or lets face it, even vaguely respectable in the sartorial horror that is the annual APEC shirt dag-off. Luckily for us, very few australian PMs have ever been trendsetters in the fashion stakes. Even the sartorial Paul Keating was subjected to the fashion faux-pas that saw recycled tablecloths being reappropriated into shirts for APEC 94 in Indonesia

Little Johny has pretty much no style whatsoever, so is in fact the perfect foil for the diverse range of disasters that constitute APEC wear down through the years

Given that it's just a few short years till we have the great honour of hosting APEC in 2007, I think we need to start putting together some suggestions as to appropriate Australian Bad Shirts. After all, it's a standing joke amongst member countries, and delegates actually feel insulted these days if they have to wear subdued or moderate fashions, like these from Brunei

I mean, come on, they're not even trying.

So it's time we scoured the back catalogs of Mambo

and perhaps put in a bid on some of Big Kevs outfits now he's no longer running his company. He's got the time and the skills to start churning out classics like this:

It's never to early to be thinking CHOGM 07. Submit your designs c/- Parliament House, Canberra

Wedding Props

2004-11-19T16:29:00.000+11:00

No, I haven’t come over all ghetto (ala Marcia Hines) on your asses. I’m talking actual wedding props. Having decided to go with the DIY wedding (scaled back from a moment of insanity that saw us temporarily book an entire city block and a circus) one of the challenges is how do you turn a slightly daggy venue in a killer location into an approximate replica of a stylish city bar? My first thought when this request came up was to hire a velvet rope and a gorilla, and wait for overdressed pretentious people on drugs to turn up and act like wankers. Hey, it seems to work quite well for transforming previously shitty locations in Sydney into allegedly groovy bars. Of course we had to put this idea aside when we realized that the possibility of finding a reasonable number of overdressed people on the central coast was approximately zero.

Back to plan B, which involves importing our own friends, family, booze, and props. I knew people went to a lot of trouble with wedding decorations, but I kind of always assumed that you just told the venue what you wanted. Or something like that. DIYing is a little different.

Tracking down 10 bar tables, bar stools, low couches, ottomans funky lamps, etc to hire isn’t that easy. Function hire places don’t do it, especially outside of Sydney. They’re more of the “did you want round tables or rectangular tables” types of outfits. Wedding hire places generally have ugly chairs covered with hideous pillowslips topped off with bows that look like they were swiped of Little Bow Peep’s frock, and often can’t understand why you don’t want everything in white. Furniture hire places aren’t mad on hiring stuff for only a weekend, especially with the thought of intoxicated wedding guests spilling red wine all over them.

So after weeks of stress, despair, and tears (and I’m just talking about me here) it was fantastic to find the lovely folk at Sydney Prop Specialists who not only have the coolest stuff, but gave us a great deal too. Now I just have to figure out how I can work the life-sized rhinoceros, Dr Who red UK phone box, and the pair of 4 meter high Nubian slaves into the reception.

Deep sea fishing

2004-11-19T14:02:00.000+11:00

A former Navy deep-sea diver charged with stalking rock star Sheryl Crow had developed "a dangerous obsession" for the singer, prosecutors told the US trial jury today

Poor bastard probably thought he'd discovered some new species of giant squid

Safe drinking rooms

2004-11-17T15:44:00.000+11:00

A proposal to introduce safe drinking rooms to get alcoholics off the street deserved consideration, NSW Premier Bob Carr said today.

Sydney Lord Mayor Clover Moore has reportedly thrown her support behind the concept, which is used in England.

She told a council meeting earlier this week she hoped the council's social plan would refer to so-called wet centres.

Mr Carr said it was a sincere proposal, although he did not know whether it was practical.

"I'm not sure it would work," he told reporters.

"It deserves to be looked at. How you make the separation between people who are homeless because of an alcohol dependency and people who are sometimes over-enthusiastic drinkers I don't know.

"I'd need to be persuaded of it."

I thought that's what we called pubs? What happened to RSA? Did we just give up on that as an idea that didn't really work? And wouldn't a safer environment for alcoholics be a dry room?

Parenting - Not so hard after all

2004-11-16T17:17:00.000+11:00

Ok, so I've lined myself up for a tirade of abuse on this one. On the weekend Mrs-stilt-to-be and I did a house-swap with friends, and got to stay in their amazing house overlooking the ocean on the northern beaches, while they had a night out in the city. Ohh, and as part of the deal, we got their two kids, aged 4 and 2 for the 24 hours.

It didn't look so promising at the start, with 2 yr old master H only uttering one word for the first hour - "mummy". So our conversations went something like this -

H, do you want a drink?
"mummy"
H, do you want to read you book with me?
"mummy"
H, do you want a snack?
"mummy"
H, why don't you tell me what you really want?
"mummy". Accommpanied by crying.

Eventually he realised that mummy wasn't going to magically reappear, and when his older sister arrived home from playing at t friends' house, decided that, yes, he would like some attention now. After a bit of reading and playing, I decided it was time to tire the kids out a bit, so suggested walking the dogs. It was only meant to be a short walk before bath time, but my unfamiliarity with the area, despite growing up up that way, soon saw us on what was turning into a never-ending coastal / cliff walk. After almost an hour of this, H had had quite enough, and demanded to be carried. Fair enough - I would have to if I think I could have gotten away with it.

After a bath with minimal splashing incidents, the normally fussy kids hooked into their dinners, eating almost all of it, and then after a bit of a video, went to bed with only a minimal amount of complaininig. H only got out of bed once - apparently a miracle as his mum often has to lock the door after the third or fourth escape attempt each night.

We'd noticed a similar phenomoenon when MSTBs' 3 yr old nephew came to stay - a long walk with the dog around Balmain for an hour or so, and dinner/bath/bedtime seems to go a lot smoother. So there you have it - my totally uneducated and un-scientific theory for child control - death marches.

Overall, the kids were angels. Except when their parents returned home the next day. Cue fighting, screaming, crying, fits, you name it. Which I had no idea of how to deal with, apart from withdrawing gracefully. MSTB changed the nappies - something I'm still not down with. She asks me how I can pick up dog turds every day, and still find nappies gross. Well, for a staret, the dog is outside, not in my bedroom, and I don't have to wipe it's arse. Maybe I'm not quite ready for parenthood just yet....

If only I could teach the dog to do that

2004-11-16T16:55:00.000+11:00

Busy beavers found a use for thousands of dollars stolen from a Greensburg casino and thrown into a creek, authorities said Sunday night.

Beavers building a dam on the creek apparently tore open one of three money bags and wove many of the bills into the sticks and brush of their dam, said Maj. Michael Martin of the East Feliciana Parish Sheriff's Office.

Deputies also recovered two other money bags, one of which had floated against the dam, Martin said.

No charges have been filed against the beavers, though their home was ransacked by the search.

Glad to see teh beavers aren't up on money laundering charges, or receiving stolen goods, or even profitiing from crime. And I hope my dog can be trained to retrieve bags of money now without charges, instead of just retrieving bags of rubbish.

Rafter tells Scud - "Pull your finger out"

2004-11-12T14:15:00.000+11:00

doesn't say of whom.

Yeah, I know, but it had to be done, didn't it. It's friday.

Spot the difference

2004-11-12T10:34:00.000+11:00

NSW Transport Minister Michael Costa

image from todays SMH

I'm thinking of renaming Sydney's collapsing rail network the Alan Parsons Project....

Immigration - No Bakers Delight

2004-11-11T17:36:00.000+11:00

I don't think it's the worlds biggest secret that the best bread in the world is baked by the French. Yes, I know other countries make great breads, and that I’m making sweeping generalisations here, but I think I’m pretty close to the mark. So what? Is this bread appreciation day? Well, sort of.

My favourite bread comes from a small bakery close by; fantastic sourdoughs that are impossibly crunchy outside, and deliciously soft inside, specialty regional breads with champagne, organic loaves and more. Fresh that day, there’s nothing like them. And thanks to the idiocy of our immigration department, soon there won’t be anything like them.

Frenchy, my baker mate, has been living here in Australia for over three years, and loves the place. He still can’t work out why we won’t buy bread everyday, and why we commit crimes such as freezing bread, but he’s happy that he can bring the tastes of his homeland and childhood to people. He’s sunk money into building his business, employs several staff, and supplies local cafes and restaurants. His youngest kid has never really known another country.

For almost all of the last three years, he’s been trying to secure permanent residency here in Australia, but has failed. With no tertiary qualifications (he learnt the trade from his family) his point score suffered, and the Department of Immigration has decided that we don’t need any more bakers. Of course not – there’s a Bakers Delight in every suburb, and Tip Top on the shelves at the supermarket – why would we want anything different? The fact that he has built a business, employs staff, has other local businesses relying on him, and has woven himself into the fabric of the local community seems to count for nothing.

I talked to him about trying to appeal the decision, but the thought of more paperwork and hassle and probably getting knocked back again, not to mention the time away from his business made him reluctant. Six weeks ago he decided to give up and apply to immigrate to Canada. Yesterday he got his confirmation – he’ll leave early next year. The thing that makes it eve more depressing is that there’s probably dozens more cases like this. We’re idiots.

Lest we forget

2004-11-11T17:34:00.000+11:00

Thanks, great grandad.

In world news - the bleeding obvious

2004-11-10T17:07:00.000+11:00

Realising that she was never going to be able to catch her sister in the skankiness / most partners / most widely viewed home videos stakes, Nicky Hilton has decided to have a crack at the "i've been married more times that you" trophy, divorcing after a bit less than 4 months. Who said it wouldn't last?

In local news - massive stupidity!

2004-11-10T16:31:00.000+11:00

When a colleague in Melbourne sent through this screen grab* a week ago – he thought it was hilarious what was considered “news” in Sydney. Without wishing to denigrate both the media and the law, it’s more trivial, and also far more serious than it appears.

Bob, a local dog, has been charged with being a dangerous dog after chasing a cat across Birchgrove Park. The owner of the cat claims that Bob also attacked her, a claim yet to be proven. I’ve met Bob a few times when walking my dog around Balmain, and he seemed, like most dogs, to be fairly relaxed, well socialized, and not at all aggressive. Plays well with other dogs and people.

The alleged incident took place in an area of the park, one of only three or four in Balmain, designated as an off-leash exercise area. There are not too many places in the area where dogs can go for a bit of a run, so they tend to be quite convivial places, where owners stand around and catch up while dogs do what they do – run around like crazy and sniff each others butts. The vast majority of owners I’ve met are responsible people, who try and control their dogs within reason. I say within reason here because lets face facts – dogs chase cats. This is hardly something new - dogs have been bred for thousands of years to chase things. And when dogs start chasing something, be it a cat, a rabbit, a possum, or even a rat, even the best-trained dog will often fail to respond to their owners’ calls to come back.

So seriously folks, why the f*ck is my local council spending my rates money to take Bob, or more specifically his owners, to court? Beats the shit out of me, too. Dogs chase cats – get over it. The cat was unharmed, as they almost always are – in fact there’s a cranky old moggy in my neighbourhood that sits on its front fence, waiting for dogs to go by, so it can have a swipe at them. That’s one tough cat. No one is dragging its owners into court.

It’s a big city. We all live on top of one another. Especially if you choose to live in Balmain, regardless of how big you build your fences to keep the world out. How about we all jujst chill out for a while, and think about others for lets say, two seconds. If Bob is declared a dangerous dog, this will have serious implications for both him and his owners. No more running off the leash, even in designated areas. Wearing a muzzle everywhere he goes. And one more strike (or vacuous complain – you won’t be the judge) and its probably off to the big kennel in the sky. All for just doing what comes naturally. The case goes to court this Friday, unless Leichhardt council withdraws the motion earlier.

Save the court expenses. Save common sense. Save Bob.

* for some reason I can’t seem to upload images through the work firewall. It was a shot of news.com.au Friday 5/11 with the headline “Dog charged with chasing Cat”

The Ponds Institue

2004-11-09T17:46:00.000+11:00

In a breathtaking leap of logic, Gerard Henderson pokes his head out of the "Sydney Institute" (you know the one, just down the street from the Ponds Institute) and suggests that because voters for Howard here and Bush in the US were in the (slim) majority, therefore they were actually correct, and that they shouldn't be called ignorant, or greedy, or any other hurtful names.

Yet it is unreasonable for those who oppose the Bush-Blair-Howard position to dismiss those who disagree with them as idiots or greedy or whatever.

Even if some of them are. The whole emphasis around "family" values, the acceptance of being lied to, of submitting to fear; of course that makes those views correct. That people in inner-city Australia worried about terrorists, and the fact that voters expressed concerns that "labor will put up interest rates" doesn't mean these people are greedy or ignorant. Except maybe it does, to some extent. Yobbo has an excellent post today on just how Bush voters see the world and the issues surrounding the campaign, and it's not pretty. Often for unexpected reasons - go read it.

sport sport sport sport reality sport

2004-11-08T18:03:00.000+11:00

What can you determine about a nation from what it watches on the idiot-box? Hopefully not that much after this list was published in the SMH today:

Compiled by David Dale for The Sydney Morning Herald, based on OzTAM's audience estimates for the mainland capitals. Series figures are for the most watched episode of the year.

1. Rugby World Cup final 2003 (7) 4.01 million

2. Australian Idol final 2003 (10) 3.30 m

3. The Block auction 2003 (9) 3.11 m

4. September 11 reportage, September 12, 2001 (9, 7, ABC) 3.10 m

5. Wimbledon day 14 2001 (9) 3.04 m

6. AFL grand final 2003 (10) 2.96 m

7. Big Brother winner announced 2004 (10) 2.86m

8. AFL Grand Final 2004 (9) 2.80 m

9. Big Brother finale 2001 (10) 2.78 m

10. The National IQ Test 2002 (9) 2.78 m

11. World Cup Soccer final 2002 (9) 2.70 m

12. AFL grand final 2002 (10) 2.62 m

13. AFL grand final 2001 (7) 2.60 m

14. Friends finale 2001 (9) 2.54 m

15. World Swimming Championships day 8 2001 (9) 2.51 m

16. Melbourne Cup race 2002 (7) 2.50 m

17. Rugby World Cup Aus v. Argentina 2003 (7) 2.49 m

18. Rugby World Cup opening ceremony 2003 (7) 2.49 m

19.Melbourne Cup Race 2004 (7) 2.47m

20. Cricket World Cup final Aus v India 2003 (9) 2.46 m

21. Rugby World Cup semi final Aus v NZ 2003 (7) 2.43 m

22. Logie Awards 2001 (9) 2.41 m

23. Friends opening 2002 (9) 2.41 m

24. Ten news Sunday 2002 (10) 2.40 m

25. Rugby League grand final 2003 (9) 2.35 m

26. 60 Minutes 2001 (9) 2.34 m

27. Backyard Blitz 2001 (9) 2.32 m

28. Big Brother final eviction 2002 (10) 2.30 m

29 Logie Awards 2004 (9) 2.29 m

30. Big Brother final eviction 2003 (10) 2.27 m

31. The Block II auction 2004 (9) 2.26 m

32. Survivor II: The Australian Outback final 2001 (9) 2.25 m

I'm glad The Block and Australian Idol had more impact on the country than say, September 11. I know for one that they totally changed my world. At least it makes us consistent with the US and the emphasis on "values" during the election. Why worry when you can renovate? Or even better, spectate while others renovate? Or feel a little bit insecure about your IQ? And try to calm those fears by discovereing your IQ is greater than Eddie Macguire's? Remember - " more people get their news and pre-digested ideas from Channel 9 than any other source". Scary, innit?

turning point?

2004-11-08T16:31:00.000+11:00

From Associated Press:
U.S. jets have been pounding the rebel bastion for days, launching its heaviest air strikes in six months on Saturday including five 500-pound bombs dropped on insurgent targets to soften up militants.

Is it just me, or is a 250kg bomb not really the sort of thing that first springs to mind when you hear the phrase “soften up”? Did it accidentally get stacked alongside the Cuddly™ at the Baghdad Woolies? If your real intention is to bomb people to a pulp, why not just say so?

Sgt. Maj. Carlton W. Kent, the top enlisted Marine in Iraq, told troops the coming battle of Fallujah would be "no different" than the historic fights at Inchon in Korea, the flag-raising victory at Iwo Jima, or the bloody assault to dislodge North Vietnamese from the ancient citadel of Hue they seized in the 1968 Tet Offensive.
"You're all in the process of making history," Kent told a crowd of some 2,500 Marines. "This is another Hue city in the making. I have no doubt, if we do get the word, that each and every one of you is going to do what you have always done kick some butt."

Kent was later reminded by his superiors of the grammatical error in ending a sentence with “butt”.

On a more serious note, wasn’t it the Tet offensive that was billed as the “turning point of the Vietnam War”? And the building-to-building battle for Hue that Sgt. Maj. Kent refers to dragged on for a month, costing hundreds of US soliers their lives. Yes, after a few weeks the Americans did manage to drive the North Vietnamese / Viet Cong back, yes the communists lost thousands of men. But it showed how tenuous the US position really was, and for the first time brought home in graphic detail the mess that they were in – from then on public opinion began to turn against the war. Are they sure that they really want to replicate that this week in Fallujah?

AP also went on to point out that the old, sick, very young, and others unable to travel were probably still trapped in the city. Poor buggers.

just because all the cool kids are doing it....

2004-11-05T16:37:00.000+11:00

without going into too much detail, this junior johnny (caution - site badly coded and broken in firefox) tried to defraud voters, and told The Age about it. Ms Fits, Darp, and a few others had a go at her. She got all upset and ran away. And now her mates have removed the comment section from their blogs. Her mates lept to her defence, saying

"Miranda has had her blog taken offline because of your immature harassment and personal attacks"

As Television's Kynan Barker so accurately retorted 'Or is it simply, as the French would say, "if you can't stand the heat"?'

I'm just hoping that since she was daft enough to use her real name and photo all over the web, someone has the time to give her this treatment - 20 reasons why you shouldn't post your picture on the internet

Crap

2004-11-05T15:25:00.000+11:00

I stepped in dog poo this morning on the way to the bus stop. I'm sure in some cultures this is considered good luck, but it just annoyed the hell out of me. I mean, really people, is it that bloody hard to pick up your dogs' crap after they take a dump on the footpath? For those of you not familiar with Balmain, it's a very built up area - lots of people, and even more dogs, in a small space. And also a lot of young kids - even more reason for owners to clean up after their dogs - kids, like dogs, will eat anything! Seriously, it's not that hard to carry a plastic bag or two around with you, especially since Leichhardt council puts bag dispensers all over the place.

So, on the bus I got thinking - how do you try and get people to be a little bit more responsible, and a little bit more considerate of others? Well, for a start, I would have thought that if you let your dog crap everywhere, odds are eventually YOU are going to step in it, which is always disgusting. But this doesn't seem to be enough for many people. Obviously the fear of being busted and slapped with a $50 fine doesn't strike fear into the hearts of the locals, many of whom view $50 notes as cheap lunch coupons. So what to do? You can't really sealastic up the dogs arse - after all it's not really the poor mutts' fault their owners are fucktards. Perhaps make offenders go to the toilet in public without any toilet paper for a month? Humiliating, yes, but it certainly won't help keep the streets any cleaner.

What sort of penalty can society apply for anti-social, selfish behaviour that will be reasonably balanced across all? Fines clearly aren't the answer - too harsh on those struggling, while trivial to the wealthy. Then I started thinking what privilege does society bestow upon people that could be withdrawn for infringements, that would make people think twice? Perhaps the revoking of the Drivers licence for a month would be suitable - enough to make people think twice. Even if you can afford to catch taxis, the hassle involved would make you reconsider leaving that turd on the footpath.

Friday's Weakly Award

2004-11-05T14:51:00.000+11:00

This weeks inaugural Weakley* award for shoddy hyperbolic journalism goes out to Darren Goodsir at the Sydney Morning Herald, for his brilliant "expose" on Chubbs' run-in with the ACCC in the Federal Court over charges it took on security patrol work it had reason to know it couldn't perform. Yes, Chubb were guilty - they admitted as such - and probably deserved the dressing down they got, along with whatever fines the court decides to impose. So, if it's all true, why has Goodsir picked up the Weakley? For his little claim in the opening paragraph that up to 11,000 jobs were at risk. Turns out this is the entire staff of Chubb Australasia - not just the security division, which employees less than 20% of the company's total employees in Australia. If Chubb do lose their security licence in Australia, it is unlikely to impact on the companies other divisions (such as Fire, Cash etc), let alone their New Zealand operations.

Don't get me wrong here - I'm in no way defending the actions of Chubb or its franchisees, but please Darren, how about putting a little bit of effort into fact-checking your stories. I'm sure it sounded like a good headline at the time, but you're making the Herald look sloppy.

*it's the stilt's highly valued award for lazy journalism. Know a candidate? Send them in!

Second best

2004-11-03T17:44:00.000+11:00

Following Ms Cynic’s great post on why she was such a bitchin’ Maid of Honour (MOH) I promised to respond with why being Best Man generally sucked.

Best Man is an odd sort of tradition, really. The Best Man originated from the days when a groom would kidnap his bride. Back in the days, her father may not have been too happy about this as she was his property and he had expected a nice dowry for her, so the Best Man was there to help in a fight should the need arise - he was there just in case some of her family decided to try and take her back (that is why the best man stands on the right of the groom, leaving his sword hand free). Obviously to do this the groom would choose his closest friend, someone he trusted to protect him at all costs and get him and his bride to safety or better still the church. Really, if medieval man had any brains, he would have hired a decent mercenary for the job.

Now, none of my mates that have got married actually kidnapped their bride. In some cases, I’m sure the respective family was happy to be rid of her. But that’s another story. I’ve never seriously tried fencing, but I would imagine I’m pretty useless with a saber / rapier / pointy stick, so the actual use of a best man is a little beyond me. Except for the fact that you WILL be possibly placed in positions of danger, and be expected to fight your way out. It’s just that no one has the decency to give you a sword to do it with anymore.

Your roll as best man will start some time before the big day – the general rule of thumb is the bigger the wedding, the earlier you will get pulled in. Hurrah – you are now part of the bridal party. A large part of your responsibilities at this stage will consist of keeping the groom alternatively sober (rehearsals, shopping, etc) and drunk (the rest of the time, due to stress). Expect to hear details about aspects of your mates beloved that you identified early on in their relationship, but were too much of a friend to point out. Your response in these moments needs to tread the fine line between supporting your mate, without insulting his bride-to-be. And remember that he will have changed his opinion of her tomorrow, so it’s best to not really have one at all.

Other duties include getting suited up for the big day. Of course, you will have no say in what you will be wearing, you just get told. Brides here fall into two camps: the first will simply tell you what you will be wearing, and where to go to pick it up. This is actually the preferred option. The second type of bride will just come along when you go looking for outfits. Not to tell you what to wear, mind you. No, that would be interfering, and that’s not her style. She’s just there to tell you which outfits NOT to pick.

Now saddled with a rental suit and a potentially drunk friend, it’s time to meet the Maid of Honour you will be partnering. The third most stressed member of the wedding party (the bride and her mum are running neck and neck – awaiting photo before odds are paid), the MOH is rarely even single, let alone hot. Actually, if you are only meeting the MOH at this point in the proceedings, the above won’t matter all that much, as it is a blessing in disguise. The alternate scenario is that, as a single friend of the groom, the bride-to-be has been trying to set you up with HER single friends for years, meaning that either :
a) you’ve already slept with the MOH, and she now hates you, or
b) you wouldn’t sleep with the MOH, and she now hates you.

It’s going to be a long day.

When the big day arrives, your duties ramp up, mainly getting the groom to the church on time / sober, and remembering to bring the rings. Failure in either of these tasks will result in certain death. You then have to stand through the entire ceremony (pray it’s not catholic), all the while getting death stares from the MOH (see above).

After the “I do’s” it’s more standing around while papers are signed, then some glad handling of mystery relos, before being loaded into a car and driven off crammed next to the now hot or cold and angry MOH. Everyone else is off to the pub, but no, for you it’s more standing around in a few locations while the requisite 5000 photos are taken.

Finally you make it to the reception, but it’s still not plain sailing. Oh no. First, you will still be running around, herding people to the photographer, and keeping warring sides of the respective families apart. Always extra fun if either of the bride or groom have divorced parents who don’t get along… And you won’t be drinking much just yet, because you’ve got the all-important speech coming up. It has to be funny, memorable and moving, a fitting homage to the couple and the day, not too long (boring) and not too short (trite). AND you have to deliver it with style, despite nerves, stress and those few drinks you’ve managed to sneak in.

After all this, it actually gets better. That’s because the night is now basically over, apart from the waltz with the now (thankfully) drunk MOH, who will take this final opportunity to give you her honest, forthright opinion of your shortcomings. Oh, and if you have brought a partner to the wedding, you then need to make sure that you grab them immediately, and dance with them longer than the first dance, so everyone knows you belong to them, even though all you want to do is sit down and drink.

Once the happy couple ride off into the distance, all you have to do now is make it home, and get the rental suit back on time. Reject any offers from others (especially the brides mother) to do this – you WILL get trapped into reliving the wedding in detail.

So tell me, is this the BEST we can do?

Kiddie Ho-wear part II

2004-11-02T15:35:00.000+11:00

I said in my last post that I was going to discuss the idea of stupidly young models / pimping kiddies. OK, so that was days ago, but I’ve finally gotten around to putting this post together. A mate of mine dropped around the other night, really excited. He’s a printer, and they had just run their first job using some revolutionary new technique for printing that gives deeper, richer, more life-like colours. He had the brochure in hand, and yes, it looked amazing – definitely a step up on anything I’d seen before. I’m sure the super glossy stock helped as well, but the richness and texture was incredible.

So what, you’re asking, does this have to do with the previous post?

Well, the brochure was for a swimwear company, and after admiring the print quality, he told me that the girl featured throughout the brochure, including the front cover, was 15. 15. I mean, are we that desperate to push the ideals of youth onto a jaded market that swimwear models are now not even of age? And where is the line between young models and child exploitation? Now I’m not suggesting that this is in anyway pornographic, but surely you have to wonder about the blurring of the line between legitimate and not, and our society’s view on such matters.

As I said in my earlier brief post, I’m guessing that this is going to make me sound like a bit of an old wowser, which is far from the truth. I’m just not sure this is the right direction for us to be taking as a society. Just a thought.

The race that stops a nation

2004-11-02T15:21:00.000+11:00

how often did you have to hear that tired old cliche today? It should be extended to: The race that stops a nation from doing anything sensible this afternoon. I love Cup day as much as the next bloke, but lets make it a national holiday. Apparently some 61% of people support this position, and it would certainly get away from the current ridiculous scenario of the majority of workplaces downing tools at lunchtime and not really picking them up again.

Meanwhile - I want to know what the good folk at The Age knew - they had the winner posted a minute before the race started. I must remember to check the thursday afternoon for the Powerball numbers....

Bettina Liano release new range of kiddie ho-wear

2004-10-27T13:09:00.000+10:00

I know I'm getting old, but pimping the kiddies just seems plain wrong...

more thoughts on this later

2004-10-27T12:20:00.000+10:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Starboard!!

2004-10-26T16:50:00.000+10:00

Lets hope they're better at steering a newspaper than they are at steering a yacht....

Seriously, here's a water-saftey tip for foreign sailors. Yes, those big white things do look a little bit like sails. No, they're not going to get out of your way.

Nifty

2004-10-26T14:37:00.000+10:00

Balmain boys don't cry - Neville Wran, 1983. NSW's longest serving Labor Premier.

Well, we do sometimes.

Balmain 21 years later is now a very different place from its solidly working-class days when young Neville earned the nickname "Nifty", allegedly from his ability to return home each day from school with one penny, after having been given tuppence in the morning by his parents for the tram fare to and from school. The tram fare was one penny each way, so coming home with change was pretty nifty.

Nowadays it's chock full of wankers, old houses renovated to within an inch of their lives, not to mention their property boundaries, and mums in X5s double parking in streets as wide as your armspan while they drop Portia at piano lessons and Simon at soccer. Fortunately, it's also still full of great old pubs, amazing harbour views, and crusty locals who've never ventured off the penninsula in their lives.

This blog isn't meant to specifically about the joys, or otherwise, of living in Balmain, although this theme may crop up from time to time. So why take the plunge into blogging, why now? Aren't there enough blogs out there already? Well, if the truth be known, probably yes. But as a long time lurker and comment-poster on other peoples' sites, I thought it was about time to get motivated and have my own say. Especially now that skool is finished, it's off season from rugby, and the urge to write again has taken hold. Lets see how we go, shall we?